Episodes

The skill of validation can be both incredibly useful AND really challenging to use interpersonally and with ourselves. My sister Ruth joins me for a conversation about what challenges she’s encountered in practicing validation. We discuss some of the beliefs we grew up with around validation and problem-solve ways to… Read More »Ep 53 – validation roadblocks

WARNING: If you or someone you care about is experiencing a mental health crisis and/or suicidal ideation, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available via call, text, chat, and with resources for Deaf/HoH folks. Please use discretion in listening to this episode. I currently do want to live AND there… Read More »Ep 52 – actually helpful reasons to live

Interested in DBT and want to hear about it from the patient’s side instead of the therapist’s side? You’re in luck! I’ve done a variety of DBT skills groups and individual therapy, and have finally created an episode all about: what DBT is, who created it, what various DBT programs… Read More »Ep 51 – an insider’s guide to DBT

My sister Ruth joins me for the second part of our conversation around accepting that she hurts others and others hurt her. We identified where she’s out of acceptance in episode 49, so in this episode we’re practicing acceptance of those things, step by step. It’s a lengthy process but… Read More »Ep 50 – hurting others & acceptance pt 2

My sister Ruth joins me to drill down to what she’s not accepting around how she impacts others. Because she’s not accepting that she hurts others, she’s unable to repair relationship effectively. It takes quite a bit of testing various ideas to land on what lies at the root of… Read More »Ep 49 – harming others & acceptance pt 1

The second half of my conversation with my sister Anne about the end of a decades-long friendship. This half focuses on validation – I validate her and she validates herself. We also uncover some delightful analogies to explain her experience. Helpful resources from this episode: DBT references: DBT Skills Training… Read More »Ep 48 – friendship ending & validation pt 2

My sister joins me for a conversation about friendship loss that’s just dripping with judgements. I validate her experience then practice turning her judgements into non-judgmental language with a heavy dose of laughter. Helpful resources from this episode: DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets – online pdf version;… Read More »Ep 47 – friendship ending & nonjudgement pt 1

I’m getting ready to enter a PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) after my time in a psych hospital, and I have some anxiety. And shame. And judgements. So, use a lite version of Cope Ahead for how to manage my anxiety, and then do some self-validation by way of comparing where… Read More »Ep 46 – comparisons & cope ahead lite

Fresh off a 12-day psychiatric hospitalization, I’ve got stories to tell and stereotypes to dispel. I discuss how I came to voluntarily admit myself, getting covid and being quarantined for 8 days, medical gaslighting, and self-harming to avoid discharge. I also share what hope I’ve been able to find since… Read More »Ep 45 – psych hospitalization

Are we noticing a trend? I’m noticing a trend. Acceptance continues to be the most useful skill while also being the one I’m least reliable to use. Here we are again with another opportunity to practice: while I’m having an episode of extreme pain after a treatment that was supposed… Read More »Ep 44 – chronic pain & acceptance

Note: a version of this episode was uploaded on Aug 14, 2025 (1 hr, 8 minutes long). I have deleted that recording and replaced it with this one (1 hr, 1 minute long). You’ll hear why in this episode. I’m back from a 2-year hiatus and (wouldn’t you know it)… Read More »Ep 43 – shame & obsessive thoughts

Recorded on Oct 18, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 4 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on what is and isn’t antisemitism, shares the perspective of some Jewish folks, and ends with the most important voices in the room:… Read More »Ep 42 – Gaza pt 4

Recorded on Oct 17, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 3 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on white supremacy and the United States’ complicity in the Israeli genocide against Palestinians. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even… Read More »Ep 41 – Gaza pt 3

Recorded on Oct 17, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 2 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on propaganda and how to identify misinformation. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I’ve collected… Read More »Ep 40 – Gaza pt 2

Recorded on Oct 16, 2023 This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 1 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on the historical context of Israel’s colonialization of historic Palestine. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much… Read More »Ep 39 – Gaza pt 1

During this episode, I’m pretty annoyed at the experience of doing therapy and I’m not shy about showing it. So I observe and describe what it feels like to do exposure therapy. In listening back to the main recording, I have an epiphany: part of what makes exposure so painful… Read More »Ep 38 – exposure & nonjudgement

It’s post-exposure processing time while climbing stairs! After doing exposure to traumatic invalidation, I know enough to know that I need to practice acceptance to something, but I’m not sure what that something is. It takes some venting and meandering to home in on the facts – which include my… Read More »Ep 37 – exposure & acceptance

I’m observing some surprising behavior from a couple former partners and feeling absolutely ill over it. I practice some observe and describe to figure out what I’m feeling, chat with my wise mind a bit, and ultimately practice opposite action to the guilt that comes up when I’m communicating boundaries.… Read More »Ep 36 – boy-related confusion, guilt, & opposite action

Wanna hear what intellectualizing emotions sounds like? The recording featured in the middle of this episode has a bunch of that. As part of my exposure therapy homework, I’m doing exposure to job hunting and intellectualizing the shit out of my feelings of hopelessness and despair. It’s not effective. However,… Read More »Ep 35 – job hunting & hopelessness

A couple episodes ago, I was dealing with anger about my autism diagnosis. This episode, it’s time for sadness! I’m hopping right on the “it’s hopeless” thought train, heading for a cliff, so I reign myself in with the Distract skill, specifically using comparisons. I also talk about using diary… Read More »Ep 34 – sadness re autism & distracting

One of the skills that helps build a life that’s worth living in the long-term is identifying one’s values. And I hate doing it. Ergo why it’s this week’s exposure therapy assignment. I go through a couple questions designed to help me imagine what my life might look like when… Read More »Ep 33 – values inventory

Fresh off my autism assessment and with official diagnosis in tow, I’m angry as hell. I have a ton of anger come up over past invalidation from my parents, and walk through the pros and cons of telling them and not telling them. I take a step back and observe… Read More »Ep 32 – anger re autism & pros and cons

Six weeks into exposure therapy and I’m feeling INCREDIBLY low. I know enough to know judging myself isn’t going to help, so I bring out the big guns: the validation skill. Self-validation freaks me the fuck out, so only after doing a bunch of distress tolerance was I able to… Read More »Ep 31 – self-validation re: exposure

We dive into another therapy session with my therapist during my 6th week of doing exposure to traumatic invalidation. I process a lot of feelings including sadness, rage, and isolation. And my therapist points out how I use non-judgment to invalidate myself. Helpful resources from this episode: DBT references: DBT… Read More »Ep 30 – traumatic invalidation & exposure vol 2

I have my first guest!! My sister Ruth joins me to talk about why we get so annoyed when a skill actually works to help us regulate and/or be more effective. We practice some observe and describe with each other, and rant about the Puritans and capitalism. As one does.… Read More »Ep 29 – annoyance when skills work

This episode features the first time I’m including a therapy session! I share my 5th week of doing exposure to traumatic invalidation. Listen as my therapist and I go over my homework from the previous week, dive deep into a memory of invalidation, and then process what came up for… Read More »Ep 28 – traumatic invalidation & exposure vol 1

Four weeks into exposure therapy and I’m feeling pretty low. So given that I’m doing exposure to traumatic invalidation, I try my hand at practicing self-validation. I go over what validation is (and isn’t), and then practice validation step-by-step. Helpful resources from this episode: DBT references: DBT Skills Training Handouts… Read More »Ep 27 – self-validation & exposure

Continued from the previous episode: I go through the process of determining how to process shame that came up during my autism assessment. I Check the Facts and determine my shame is NOT justified, which leads me to practicing Opposite Action to shame. And before the shame goes down, ohhhh… Read More »Ep 26 – autism & shame pt 2

While answering a questionnaire for my autism assessment, I have a TON of distress come up. Is it fear? Is it disgust? Is it sadness? I practice some observe and describe to determine that HEY! it’s unjustified shame! I do a deep dive into the triggers of shame, how it… Read More »Ep 25 – autism & shame pt 1

While doing this week’s exposure assignment (reading my parents’ prayer newsletters), I have a ton of disgust come up.  I feel nauseated and generally ill as I practice radical acceptance to all the body sensations, emotions, and thoughts that come up.  It’s a roller coaster of judgements, stomach gurgles, and… Read More »Ep 24 – exposure, disgust, & acceptance

Huffing & puffing on the stairs brings up some pretty intense concerns around invalidation: notably potential invalidation around an autism diagnosis and potential invalidation from my dad. I start off doing some mindfulness of current thoughts and then meander into identifying what I need to practice accepting. Spoiler: my feelings… Read More »Ep 23 – invalidation & acceptance

I’ve got some strong self-destruction urges going on in this episode. My old behavioral patterns of self-harm and dissociated sex are screaming for attention and emotion mind is angling for the steering wheel. What’s a human to do? I dig out some wise mind and practice some visualization exercises. And… Read More »Ep 22 – self-destruction urges & wise mind

After a rescheduled therapy session is cancelled, I have a very hard day. I have all kinds of thoughts about not being able to get the help I need, and spiral pretty intensely into despair. I practice observing (and describing, cause hey, it’s a podcast), and mindfulness to current thoughts.… Read More »Ep 21 – cancelled therapy appt & despair

Fresh off a 3-month break, I jump right into feeling like absolute shit. I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and have no idea what the deal is. I practice observing and describing my body sensations and my thoughts, and share what I’ve learned re: the impact… Read More »Ep 20 – observing, describing, & judging

Normally, I use a lot of skills to keep the metaphorical glass of water from falling off the table. This episode, I practice a skill so I can catch the glass of water before it crashes to the ground. Turning the Mind is annoyingly simple and annoyingly effective. It takes… Read More »Ep 19 – turning the mind

I THINK this will be my last episode about the breakup for a good long while. After a 2-hour long phone call with my former partner, I practice the Mindfulness of Current Thoughts skill and create a mountain of Kleenex. I sit with a lot of thoughts that bring up… Read More »Ep 18 – sadness & mindfulness of current thoughts vol 2

I finally got around to feeling angry about my breakup. My former partner dropped off the last of my stuff and I process ALL the feelings. Well, really, just two: sadness & SO MUCH anger. There’s some blame, there’s some judgement, there’s so much crying. It’s shocking, I know, but… Read More »Ep 17 – the breakup & anger

We made it! The final part of my trauma anniversary trilogy. I describe how the anniversaries feel in my body (including my self-harm urges), read a couple old Facebook posts that double as journal entries, and then get into the meat: acceptance. Acceptance of how my trauma anniversaries have gone… Read More »Ep 16 – trauma anniversaries & acceptance vol 3

Here’s some more traumaversary content for you! I’ve got some serious librarian voice going on this episode, recording while recovering from a cold. I use the Pros and Cons skill to address my self-harm urges. But this isn’t your mother’s pros & cons list – listen to learn more! Helpful… Read More »Ep 15 – trauma anniversaries & pros and cons vol 2

January is my traumaversary month (4 trauma events in the course of 2 weeks), so in anticipation of having strong self-harm urges, I use the Cope Ahead skill! I imagine what sort of emotions and urges I anticipate having, and create a plan for what skill I want to use… Read More »Ep 14 – trauma anniversaries & cope ahead vol 1

Where are my burnout buddies at? We’ve really got to stop meeting like this. I’m on a mission to identify the cause of my persistent burnout in every job I’ve ever had. I use a chain analysis (spoiler, that’s NOT the effective skill here), switch over to a missing-link analysis… Read More »Ep 13 – burnout & shame vol 1

My kingdom for a tissue! I made the bulk of this episode’s recording sitting in my car in the gym parking lot, crying. A lot. Sadness hit me like a ton of bricks, so I focus on observing and describing my emotions, validating myself, and looking for both/ands rather than… Read More »Ep 12 – sadness & mindfulness of current thoughts vol 1

With this many interpretations going on, I could get a job at the United Nations. After a conversation with my former partner, I talk about my interpretations (i.e. thoughts), realizing that I was relating to those interpretations as if they were REALITY, and the impact that that realization has on… Read More »Ep 11 – interpretations & acceptance

You know there aren’t any great idioms or quotes to be had about urges, which makes writing a podcast description challenging. This episode, I process some some self-destructive urges via a bit of self-inquiry. I ask the urges what they’re trying to do for me, I sit with some shame… Read More »Ep 10 – urges

Butterflies in the stomach, sweat on the palms, and terror on the mind!! I launch the podcast and am instantly flooded with a hurricane of anxiety. I go over the justified causes of my fear and label the interpretations, body sensations, and urges I have as a result. And then… Read More »Ep 9 – anxiety & check the facts

Listen to me go from playing varsity to little league as I tackle an emotion I’m not at all skilled at: disgust. Never fear, if you’ve got a weak stomach, you’re totally fine cause in this case, my disgust is prompted by hypocrisy. I am incredibly ineffective at unpacking my… Read More »Ep 8 – disgust & observe

Hey look, a break from the breakup! Today I’m practicing acceptance around being invalidated. I go through acceptance step by step, do a lot of deep breathing, and have a remarkable amount of indigestion as I go. A kinda nifty outcome: practicing acceptance about my parents’ validation skill level allowed… Read More »Ep 7 – acceptance vol 2

My new therapist and I discover I’m struggling with distressing thoughts about abandonment. The more distressed I get, the less I’m able to problem solve. So, this week, I focus on how to bring that distress down with the IMPROVE skill. I practice some imagery, some relaxation, and more! Helpful… Read More »Ep 6 – improve the moment

I know, I know, but hear me out! Typically I LOATHE affirmations. I often find them trite, obnoxiously positive, and invalidating. AND there are some thoughts and phrases I use in order to cope when I’m experiencing intense emotions. I go over examples of affirmations that I don’t find helpful… Read More »Ep 5 – coping thoughts (aka affirmations)

You won’t like me when I’m angry! Listen as I jump back and forth between me hulking out in the past and me providing commentary in the present. I give a short introduction to Emotion Mind, and practice non-judgement and radical acceptance. And somehow, I end on a positive note!… Read More »Ep 4 – anger

Acceptance is the name of the game.  I go over what it is and what it isn’t, and how to use the acceptance DBT skill in the middle of extreme emotions – in this case, sadness with an added bonus of a recording of me using the skill while in… Read More »Ep 3 – acceptance vol 1

Fresh from a break-up with my partner of two years, I break down two of the DBT skills I used in the midst of the hardest conversations with my now-former partner: participation & validation.  I go over how I used participation to be fully present in conversations with my partner,… Read More »Ep 2 – participating & validation

Trying to find a therapist and COMPLETELY overwhelmed? Finding a therapist is hard under the best of circumstances, and when does anyone ever need a therapist under the best of circumstances?! It doesn’t matter if you’re on therapist #92 or if it’s your first therapist rodeo, finding a new therapist can be A LOT. I… Read More »Ep 1 – finding a therapist

Hi there – Joy Gerhard, your host, here. I’m not a therapist. I’ve just done a lot of therapy.  So I started a podcast to demonstrate therapy skills on myself in the hopes of making them feel less theoretical and more accessible to you! Let’s therapize some shit, shall we?